All posts for the month May, 2013


Published May 30, 2013 by 51percentawesome

I am the tower.Tarot the Tower

Chaos—– Revelation —– Disruption —– Realizing the truth
Disillusion — Crash — Burst — Uncomfortable experience

Once I love you, beware. I tend to leave no stone unturned, no covered wound bandaged.

I want to know what is inside your head. I want to tease out every notion, and challenge it to know it’s truth. I want to know what you are made of.

I don’t trust you. I don’t trust what you say, or what you think. Within you are ideas born of ill experience, of pain and anger and heart-break. Within you is a lifetime of defences, and I want to tear them down.

Either the querents must make changes in their own lives, or the changes will be made for them.

I want to pull apart your notions of reality and discard everything that’s illusionary.

If I love you, I want to drag you kicking and screaming into blinding white light. I want to hold your eyes open while your retinas adjust to the sun. I want you to see. You may feel like I don’t love you, I don’t respect you or I don’t care about what you think you want and need. So I have learnt to apologise, for this incisive purple serpent coiled through my being. I have learnt, to be gentle and patient and to bite my tongue. To inhibit these urges running through me, to bite down and resist like a vampire who smells blood. Sometimes I can let things be. Someones, I will manage to still my fingers before it pokes at your sore spots. It’s becoming optional. No desire to unravel? I can step away. But know this.

If I love you, I want the world for you. I want to see you stripped bare and rebirthed. I will recklessly pull from you every notion you are tenaciously clinging to that does not serve you, that is born from your pain, until you can fully experience who you are, and what you are here to do.

Such a process is confronting, yes.
Not for everyone, no.

Gibran says it best. ‘If in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears’.

You have been warned. 😉


bottom line

Published May 23, 2013 by 51percentawesome

Relationships involve bringing life into physical form through conception and birth. Two together, separate from the whole. Part of the whole, and not separate, but separate. If you want the highs, accept and run with the lows. Unless you turn your back on the attachment which is the physical manifestation of human romantic love, the time based commitments of two physical forms, and the heights of ecstasy from such a physical connection, you are bound with physical experience and emotion. To coordinate, you will require your mind to make decisions and communicate your intentions and creations. The spiritual reality of the now, of non-attachment, of accepting presence and the ultimate release into spaceless timeless oneneess with divinity… Well, that is ever-present. First and foremost though, we are humans, and our actions are birthed through our bodies. With divine intention, sure, but there is no dismissing our place in a cause and effect world. We cannot change or fix what essentially is in tangible form, we can only accept and move with the flow which comes through us. Through us come the ripples of movements long ago, over which we have no control. Just sayin’.


Published May 23, 2013 by 51percentawesome

Within me is a running brook. Flowing between where I’ve been, and where I will be. And in the middle stand me and you.

The trees are filled with wild birds. Expressive. Curious, spontaneous. Free to move. The overgrowth is luscious and vivid green, bearing fruit. The forest floor is carpeted in soft moss padding, supportive. The sunlight filters between the trees and the air moves. I take your hand and we move gently; the forest is timeless. There is fruit to eat and soft floor to rest on and time to explore. Don’t worry about the bugs. There are fish in the stream and we can sleep in the trees, together.

I blink in shock. This cannot be. The forest jitters before my eyes, like a television with rolling reception. It is gone.

The trees are cleared, by man or otherwise. Section by section until I stand on bare earth. It is still damp from the life it bore; I sink into it. Flat back, I stare up into a hot and relentless sun, as the ground dries. My lips become parched. I dig for water and establish feeble streams, the brook is no more and they evaporate. The wind picks up and whips red dust in my eyes. I call to you over the wind. We battle for survival in inhospitable land.

What now? Perhaps both landscapes are illusions, and I trade one for another. In any case, I’m not going to die out here. Pretty sure there was a place for me before, before I came here with you. (I don’t know where you will go). Retreat, and return there. To an armchair in a quiet house. Familiar. Comfortable. Secure. To stare into a crackling fire and remember the touch of your hand on my face in a colourful forest.

Inside again, for now.


Published May 23, 2013 by 51percentawesome

How can it be, that god has made me live so far from him? Atrocious pain in the heart. A wall that falls only to uncover another wall. What can you do to help? Nothing! He shrugged and continued crying. Life after life he’d essentially been doing one thing. Closing off a little more each time life hurt. One more wall for every hurt. A huge city of walls enclosed in darkness. Now the walls were all falling, one after another. Now there was only one more wound left. Realising…paradise hurts like hell. ~Atlantian Secrets: The land of the flying dragon.

Predictable. A karmic boost, my love. A great leap forward is coming, and a high part of yourself speeds up… in preparation. A slingshot backward before being propelled forwards.

You were… Demanding the world to understand my pain, using my words, while my actions were screaming, I’m guilty. Now you are Taking responsibility for other people, and yet my actions, my brain and my words are coming together.

He loves you. but that doesn’t matter right now. You need to be true to your own intuition. He was Creating fights when he saw you weren’t comfortable, because he is insecure. just as you are. He was The exact mirror image, bouncing back and forth. He was Creating fights and labeling you, where he could see you were uncomfortable [about this girl].

Thank you. ❤


Published May 22, 2013 by 51percentawesome

Excuse me while my heart breaks all over the floor. Again. It’s not that big a deal really. I’ll be fine.

Making a thousand and one mistakes. One of these days I’ll get it right.

The reality

Published May 20, 2013 by 51percentawesome

Overheard, from the mouth of babes.

Girl One: Feral animals should be killed.
Girl Two: That’s just mean! This isn’t animal farm. I finished the book, by the way. It made me really angry. And there was no resolution. But that’s just like, reality.

That’s just like, reality.

The reality of the situation is.. That I don’t really mind if you walk away. Hindsight is 20/20. As are my photographs of the writing on the shower wall. And, let’s be honest, as was everything I told you as shit unfolded.

You’re arachne. You can see the way things are woven, and follow the threads…

Zac: You can do better. You were settling. You need someone with a bit of oomph, not floating around. I told you. Too much drama from the start. You don’t need someone who brings that into your life. If you’re in, you need to be in 100%. Cronulla? There’s you first bit of evidence right there. I think you dodged a bullet.