Your stomach is saying you are being deceived or betrayed.
Pushing the pain down into your gut is a choice you have. But you’re not little anymore, you’re grown up and strong enough to allow it to move through you, if you want to. It will pass and you will find relief, but only once you surrender enough to truly listen to it. With openness, compassion and curiosity. In my experience.
‘Your future’… requires steps. Or not even. Just breaths. One at a time. In the now. Don’t make yourself powerless by worrying about things you cannot control.
Your body loves you. For you it will feel pain in order that you can know truth. Which you value. You value honesty, transparency, openness, courage, willingness. Borne of your past pain. You know this is necessary for growth. But don’t be scared, all things come to light eventually. Light and dark and light and dark. Creation, destruction, this is normal and natural.
‘Be a light unto the darkness and curse it not’.
And beyond that… In time you will begin to strip away your own illusions too. You will see it is normal to keep ourselves from ourselves, to take time to learn and grow and open. As a child, you can’t take responsibility for everything, you’re not strong enough. Then as you grow, you get stronger and you can hold more responsibility for yourself. And responsibility means the removal of illusions, and being able to stand in your truth and have your power. Today I realised that in the same way I was upset that he denied his own desires for freedom, and attempted to restrain me, I have not given the freedom I’ve wanted to others, and have restrained them. We can release others as we slowly release ourselves. You’ll understand in time and it will all be okay. For now, just sit with it and breathe and watch.