you require sacred space, and if the third entity begins creation without the foundation of secure sacred space it will never be fully secure or safe or healthy or even whole
you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing. you seem harmless, and even beneficial to be around. but the boys don’t know what it’s like to be close to you. they probably don’t know much about being close to themselves. so learning how to do both at the same time is stressful. most bail at the point of being so overwhelmed with how scary a place your emotional landscape has the potential to be and upon learning of your desire to trudge through even the dankest of your swamps…
it sucks, and I know you’ve been through it time and time again. I know you don’t like it, and you don’t want it, but I also think that this is an indication that maybe what you really want isn’t what it seems. I am not suggesting that you need make any kind of compromise, only assess whether or not you are carrying your old beliefs/values/reactions to yourself/your idea of yourself. I know that you know what you want when you feel it, and you would do well to trust that instinct. your brain will not be able to untangle the mystery of love. it can learn of it in great depth, but it is your heart that feels love. get out of your head and into your heart and what you seek will seek you, you will need not to issue warning to those sailing upon your shores. your light(house) will shine and all who observe will see their way.
(Freedom… within what bounds? infinite freedom? or free will? to follow oneself impulsively? to iron out one’s ego by playing out drama? without the trust and safety of the sacred space there is no freedom. only the illusion of the concept of the idea of freedom.)