Today is my birthday. Today I touched the deepest sadness I have ever known. Here is my response.
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Give it to god
In our illusion of seperateness we give our pain to each other, instead of to god.
In our lack of trust and faith in life, we refuse to let go. We hold on and in doing so, we hold ourselves apart from god.
I have wanted to take your pain and hold you close to god, until you remembered. I wanted to show you over and over that we are not alone.
I wanted to prove it to you
that we are not seperate
that you could trust god
that you could trust life
that you could let go.
I thought that if you experienced it for sure like I do. Incontrovertibly, that you would be able to trust and let go.
that god would flood and pour into your hearts, like he does mine
I thought if I held your suffering, allowed you some breathing space,
that you would let go.
Why aren’t you?
Go to god.
Hand your pain to god
Breathe out
Breathe out breathe out breathe out
and in doing so see that she, that life, can take it all and hold it for you.
You don’t need to control
You don’t need to clench tight and defend yourself
You can let go
You will be supported
You can float
Let go
Hand it all to god.
Underneath the choking clawing sadness
Under the fear of mortality
Under the weight of grief in the throat
is the breath that can hold us all.
If you truly breathe out
If you stay with it for however long it takes, tens of breaths, hundreds of breaths
If you breathe it all
You will find that you can let it go and it can be held for you
Your hurts
Your fears
Your physical discomfort
If you are willing
It will all be held for you.
Not by me. Not by each other. But by the infinite arms of life itself.
and if you do that
Your heart will be open for the first time, fully and truly
Available for love, clarity, peace
to flood in
For you to see clearly
For your steps to be guided
Don’t hand your pain to me
Breathe out
and hand it to god
and know what it is to be supported.
This refusal—
It is the suppression of the feminine below the eyes
the contriction in the forehead of trying to maintain control, to hold it all together
It is the injustice of seperation- of all the ways humans hurt each other in their mistaken power over belief
It it the tears held in the eyes of seperation
It is the grief trapped in the throat at the incredible loneliness of seperation
It is the need to let go and release.
to stop trying to play that game
to relinquish the illusionary control of the mind, that only causes suffering
Stop handing your pain to each other. Breathe out, and hand it to god.
You don’t need to divide yourself into pieces, or to tear time and space, to reach each other.
If you breathe out, if you allow life to breathe your prana, to fill out and make whole your aura, then in doing so you become one with life itself, in the heart of god.
God is the synchronicity
It is the interconnectedness
Like we are all a cell in an organism that moves together
It is the mycelium webbing that connects us
It is the breath.
It is the knowledge that through the form as the temple you can access all of life
It is not your mind, it is not a man, it is not an omnipotent deity outside of you.
You are god.
When you stand by the ocean or in a forest or look at the stars, you are closer to god because you witness life, the form, breathing itself, moving together.
Let go of the fears of your mind. Breathe your form. Release it to god.
and then you will never feel lonely again.
Stop trying to fix it every other way:
Remember
Breathe
Until life floods you
then you will know safety
You will know trust
You will know peace and fulfilment:
You will see clearly
And your path will become obvious,
to choose from love,
In the hands of god,
To let go,
Just breathe out.
You don’t need to push to be what you’re not
You don’t need to figure it all out
You don’t need to compensate for what you are not
Breathe, let go
And remember that
Everything is already alright.
This is the beginning and the end, it is the alpha and the omega, it is the key to your own eden, it is the path to salvation.
Anywhere it hurts inside you, no matter the problem,
this is the salve, the balm, the remedy.
Learn what it is to experience release, to be held, to be part of not seperate from;
to move with ease, to feel free
to let go of the weight off your shoulders;
to let the tears fall and move past them into the centre of your joy;
Don’t hand it to me, breathe out,
and hand it to god.
awkwardangel 